Haulage Howlers: The 8 Naughtiest Haulage Puns On The Road

Sauciness is the spice of life, right? And few places need livening up more than a traffic jam on the M4. That’s where the lorry driver’s unique sense of humour comes to the rescue, like a recovery vehicle - only much funnier and far more X-rated. Honestly, what haulage workers get up to these days! Forget potty humour, these guys go way further…

So, to brighten up a particularly mind-numbing strip of the M25, here are the eight dirtiest jokes yet found on the side of an HGV. Hats off to the hard working people doing haulage work! You are true masters of the mischievous pun.

Rude…

Nudity is funny. That’s all there is to it. It shouldn’t be, but it just is. So, although this is not the most sophisticated of all gags, it’s still made the grade:

•  “Driver Carries Less Than £50 Cash and is 100% Naked”

Sometimes you can’t beat a good bit of toilet humour, the most tried and tested of all jokes. So congratulations to the classic clown who came up with this corker:

• “Number One Plumber in the Number Two Business”

Oh acronyms. Perhaps the essential takeaway from the Internet age. And one of the best is put to good use in this humble but solid one-liner:

•  “GTFO Moving Company: Get That Furniture Out

Ruder…

Top of the rude-but-not-that-rude category is a straightforward pun, one which obligingly obeys all the rules of that noblest of art-forms:

• “Well-Hung Drywall LLC”

Toilet humour featured in the ‘Rude’ category, but this wisecrack from a waste disposal vehicle takes it that step further:

• “Nothing Like A Good Dump”

An overlooked subset of the verbal joke is the out-loud only pun. Say this to yourself a couple of times (when you’re not in polite company, that is…):

• “Sofa King: Our Prices Are Sofa King Low”

Rudest…

Sometimes a pun is so perfect that you can’t even laugh - just breathe a sigh of admiration and nod in vigorous approval. This chestnut from a carpet-fitters company comes close to that standard, in simple, concise style:

• “Get Laid By A Professional”

An odd one, and almost too cringe-worthy to write, but its daring imagination has got to be credited. Just don’t go repeating this one at the dinner table…

• “Camel Tow: We’ll Snatch You Out of A Tight Spot”

Moving on, rapidly…! Clearly, the naughty pun is the gift that just keeps on giving – it truly knows no limits. It is therefore 100% certain that more of these risqué remarks will find their way onto a motorway near you. Make sure you notice them and remember them for posterity’s sake!

Thank goodness for the good people doing haulage work, making the world a funnier and less prudish place.

Norman Dulwich is a Correspondent for Haulage Exchange, the leading online trade network for the road transport industry. Connecting logistics professionals across the UK and Europe through their website, Haulage Exchange provides services for matching haulage work with available drivers. Over 5,400 member companies are networked together through the Exchange to fill empty capacity, get new clients and form long-lasting business relationships.