Fighting For My Life

Fighting for my life

By Joseph Parish

Today for some reason has presented itself as a humorous day and with that being said here is another funny tale that occurred today. I hope you enjoy the levity of it. It is not an everyday occurrence that one ends up fighting for their life and their very existence, but it has recently happened to me. With it now in the past, I can breathe a healthy sigh of relief. It was a lot of work, however, in the end I did manage to prevail. Would you like to learn more about my life deifying experience today? Never fear, I am only too glad to relate all those gory details to you, but beware it is scary and will take your breath away.

It was early Monday afternoon and I was leaning over my desk busy typing on the keyboard drastically attempting to catch up with some last-minute work which I had previously overlooked. I could hear the computer keys clicking away one by one as even after all these years using a computer, I am still a one finger typist. No two hands on the keyboard – only one finger at a time.

As I sat comfortably at my desk, I felt a fly go over my head. You know how you feel that slight burst of air when they pass over you. No problem, I thought, I will merely sit here silently in my chair and wait until the pesky things comes near me and wham, I will wallop it and take its miserable life, hopefully kill it quickly in the process. Upon giving it due thought, this seemed like a likely simple task to accomplish. With that mindset firmly in place I sat and sat hoping my adversary would quickly appear and I would soon be back to completing those jobs remaining before me. The wait seemed to take forever as I remained cautious, sitting silently at my desk.

Before long the flying insect made several passes above my head, but I was brave and waited patiently for the proper opportunity to eliminate my foe. Soon it landed on my desk and I could clearly see that it was not a fly but rather a wasp. As any logical individual would do, chills raced up and down my back. Darn folks, in the immortal words of Paris Jackson when she stood on the apartment balcony:

“I could have died.”

Well, that is so true. I next bravely grabbed the portable telephone and began to swat at the wasp as it jumped around from one location on the desk to another. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got lucky and destroyed the beast. I only had to avoid its butt until I was successful. Each time I tried to kill it, the dangerous creature slipped under one of the wires atop my desk. Eventually I caught the nasty little creature, but it still refused to give up without a valiant fight. It took me a good four or five minutes to maneuver this wasp to a location where there was nothing but a flat desk with no electrical wires to hinder my attack.

In conclusion, I am proud to announce that I was finally victorious over the wasp. It is dead now and I feel like I have not only saved my family from the vicious creature, but made the world a safer place to live. As I flex my muscles and if you listen carefully, you may be able to hear me chant, “Bring ‘em on, bring all of them on.”

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