Respectful Parenting

There are several occasions where we have come across children disrespecting friends, family members, strangers, etc. In most situations, one immediately thinks, why aren’t parents teaching the child to talk to people more respectfully? Almost as though the child intends to disrespect people they meet through their actions or words. However, most children are acting out a certain feeling and may not understand that it may be interpreted as disrespect to others. 

Let’s define “respectful parenting” and focus on the Parents in this parent-child relationship. The book on “Effects of respectful parenting in early childhood on young adults attachment style…” by Eldridge (1999) defines respectful parents as those who ensure their children’s safety and make sure there is consistent care which also includes increasing levels of appropriate autonomy as he or she develops.

The book further talks about important elements of respectful parenting which are sensitivity, contingent responsiveness, consistency, as well as clarity in limit-setting, unconditional positive regard, non-intrusive, and containment (empathetically responding to a child’s strong emotional reaction).  According to Waters and Wall (1978), sensitive maternal response and infants’ secure attachment patterns are positively correlated. This implies that a mother who is able to respond to their child timely and appropriately may also lead to the child feeling heard, validated and empathised with. These practices carried out by the mothers in the study seem to be linked to the children feeling secure and having a trustworthy relationship with their mothers. 

Parents do not realize that children are constantly looking up to them to learn and pick up behaviour for survival. The social learning theory, which holds that one of the primary impacts on children’s behaviour is the overt behaviour of other family members, has been the basis for most of the research in the area of parenting and conduct issues. The moment-to-moment patterns and processes that occur during family interactions, such as negative reinforcement are particularly significant (Eddy et al., 2001). 

Many parents are unaware that they are modelling disrespectful behaviour in their households. The youngster is probably uninformed when they are a part of social events if parents at home don’t teach them respectful behaviour by displaying respectful behaviour with the child and family members at home and they would not be aware when their behaviour turns rude. Parents expect children to be respectful when they are not respectful to children. An illustration would be making fun of your child in front of friends or relatives or yelling at them for being loud.  Children would believe that disrespecting others in any situation is acceptable if parents normalize it. If you are an adult or child who are looking for ways to deal with disrespect, follow this link (How to deal with disrespect)

In a meta-analysis of 66 studies on the causes of attachment security (De Wolff & Van IJzendoom,1997) found a relatively substantial overall association between parental sensitivity and attachment security.  Through this study,  one can see that parents are sensitive to children and their needs while also ensuring that gentle explanations for inappropriate behaviour can help children improve their behaviour. Children find more attachment and security with parents who are sensitive to their needs and are able to be more receptive to them. In another study done by Eshel et al. (2006), it was concluded that a fundamental but essential parenting strategy is responsiveness, which refers to prompt, necessary, and age-appropriate interactions between the mother and child. 

The benefits of responsive parenting are extensive, and range from better health and physical development to improved psychosocial development in children. According to many research, parents who practice positive parenting provide their kids with higher academic results, fewer behavioural issues, and greater mental health. In the teen years, positive parenting has been linked to improved functioning in the parts of the brain that are connected to emotions and cognition, according to neuroscientists.

When children become sufficiently secure and adept at negotiating environmental demands that they are then capable of extending the same respect to their parents and other adults, siblings, peers, and ultimately their children, a positive chain of events would follow in their lives ahead.

– Urveez Kakalia and Krupa Abraham.