Living Off The Grid: Things I Did To Find Myself

Alone or lonely? The question rings loud in our ears whenever we find ourselves in an unfamiliar situation or amidst a crowd of unfamiliar people. For a generation that is obsessed with being constantly seen and heard by the world, has also grown to misinterpret the world ‘alone’ in a negative light. Most people directly link it with loneliness or sadness. Recently I was talking to one of my friends, who told me how difficult it was for him to be alone. I realised I was in no position to advise him, ‘cause it was only a few months ago I was facing this dilemma, but eventually prevailed over the feeling. To help myseIf, I decided to simply go off the grid–stopped using phones and screens and took a break from everything that reminded me that I was amidst chaos. And I only felt obligated to share my story with him. Perhaps, I should narrate it for you guys too. 

The Dilemma Hits 

Back in 2020, when the whole world went into lockdown, loneliness became my biggest foe. My extroverted self didn’t know what to do with all the time I spent alone in my room. I tried everything from binge-watching movies, cooking, reading and face-timing with my loved ones. But when none of these made me happy, I eventually found a way to break away from the cycle of sighs and lies surrounding loneliness. I started making a list of things I would do once the pandemic recedes. Here’s a glimpse into the list: 

• Get together with my friends aboard a glass boat Sydney Harbour dinner cruise. I booked my tickets right away. That way I had something to look forward to in future. 
• Visit my grandparents in India. Eat parathas and butter paneer masala. Also, Nani's famous mango lassi. 
• Create a physical portfolio of my artworks. Meet more artists and plan an exhibition.  
• Save up to buy a new laptop. 
• Write more. Keep a journal of ideas for future write-ups. 

This seemingly vague list of things to do gave me a sense of hope in my life. After all, we’ve been counting our days until the pandemic finally cut slack for us. The first thing I did after the government eased down the restrictions was walk; I walked through the streets of Sydney and breathed in some fresh air. And I think it’s something to do with the cruises that steer me to the famous harbour; I randomly booked tickets for a premium Sydney lunch cruise that offered me a memorable social experience. It was an opportunity to meet new people and also a reminder to be candid and genuine with myself and the world around me.  

Reducing my screen-time was a wonderful decision that made me realise that I could happily embrace my alone-time as well. Would I have tried sitting alone if not for the pandemic? I hardly think so! I not only got to reflect upon my eccentricities but also learn a few new things about myself and how I can tackle my boredom. I’m a transformed human being who loves solitude. So, now when someone approaches me with a sunken heart and vents about their issues, I know where it comes from. Perhaps, I can tell them my story of surviving loneliness and discovering the beauty and elegance of solitude. And here’s the ultimate fact I learned: No one can ever find themselves when they’re surrounded by a cacophonous crowd. It’s in solitude and sometimes in loneliness that we’ll find our misplaced parts of the self. If you find this article helpful, do share your thoughts in the comments or leave a message in the chat box.