Where Is My Anger Coming From? What Can I Do About It?

Newborn babies usually respond with generalized distress to a range of unpleasant experiences which also include hunger, painful medical procedures, changes in body temperature, and too much or too little stimulation. Angry expressions increase in frequency and intensity from 4 to 6 months all the way up to 2 years (Braunggart-Reiker, Hill-Soderlund, & Karass, 2010).  It is important to note that even older infants react with anger in a wider range of situations. For example, when an interesting object or event is taken away from them, an expected pleasant event does not occur as a result of a certain action, or when their arms are restrained. Most often in homes where there are young children, one may see children become visibly upset or angry when their caregiver leaves for a brief period of time or they are forced to take at a time they wish to play. 

Children are very persistent about obtaining a desired object and get less easily distracted from these kinds of goals (Mascolo & Fischer, 2007). Furthermore, toddlers are better at identifying who caused them pain or removed an item from their vicinity. Their anger is particularly intense when a caregiver who they are dependent on for comfort causes discomfort instead. The rise in anger is also adaptive in nature. A toddler’s new motor capacities enable them to defend themselves or overcome obstacles when they are angry (Izard & Ackerman, 2000). Ultimately, anger motivates caregivers to relieve a baby’s distress.  

The idea behind explaining how anger begins as a child is to also warm you to the concept of anger being a normal part of human emotions. It’s as important an emotion as happiness and sadness. They develop as an emotion when humans age.

According to psychologist, Charles Spielberger, he defines anger as an emotional state that varies from mild irritation to intense fury and rage.

When you wonder what makes you angry and where is it coming from, the answer to this is that it is the result of both internal and external events that take place in an individual’s life. Anger inspires strong, frequently aggressive feelings and behaviors that enable us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. One must shift their perspective on anger and see anger as a natural adaptive response to danger. Therefore, some level of anger is essential for our survival. 

When does anger become problematic or harmful? It is important we ask these questions to ourselves when we experience anger. Anger that causes individuals to physically or mentally harm another individual or themselves are ones that are considered dangerous. Laws, societal conventions, and common sense impose boundaries on how far our anger can lead us. As a result, we can’t physically lash out at every person or thing that frustrates or annoys us in any circumstance.

The American Psychological Association talks about three major strategies to be followed when experiencing anger.
People deal with their feelings of anger in a number of conscious and unconscious ways. The three major strategies are calm, inhibit, and express. The best method to deal with anger is to express it in a confident, non-aggressive manner. To do this, one must learn how to express one’s demands and how to meet them without hurting other people. Respecting oneself and other people requires being assertive without being aggressive or demanding. 

We see more individuals that are able to contain their anger and direct it as compared to those who express it outwardly. Anger that goes unspoken might lead to other issues. It can result in pathological outbursts of rage, such as passive-aggressive behaviour or a persistently angry and cynical attitude. People who continuously belittle others, criticize everything and make sarcastic remarks lack the ability to express their anger in healthy ways. They are unlikely to have many fulfilling relationships, and they may not realize what exactly is causing their relationships to fade away.

There are always unique ways in which anger can be expressed outwardly but in a helpful manner. Anger can be contained, then transformed, or directed. This occurs when individuals suppress their anger, puts it out of their minds, and shift their perspective on the good. Anger is to be contained or suppressed in order to channel it into more useful behaviour. If anger isn’t permitted to find an outlet outside of yourself, it could shift inward and towards oneself. It is important to note that anger that is directed inside can result in depression or high blood pressure.

To combine both external and internal methods of working with the emotion of anger. One can settle down internally. This entails managing both the external behavior and internal reactions, slowing down one’s pulse rate, calming oneself down, and allowing the emotions to pass.

What’s important?
Individuals need to be able to have some level of self-awareness and be able to accept when they require help from a professional. Self-awareness can be achieved when they spend some amount of time with themselves and reflects on how their actions are affecting them and the people around them.

– Urveez Kakalia and Krupa Abraham.